Changing my focus

So the last few weeks, okay maybe months, I have been obsessed with finding my perfect partner in crime.  AKA-  My soulmate.  My hot husband.  The sinfully gorgeous father of my children.

I have been on a serious mission.  Out every night, often seeing two guys in the same 24 hours.  Don’t get me wrong, I was doing nothing more with these men than a little innocent flirting.  I was always honest, sincere and truthful with my intentions, actions and words.  After each date though, I left, feeling let down, or simply, not impressed.  Not only that, but I felt in some way that I as doing something wrong.  Was I giving these guys the wrong impression?   I would think to myself, “Really dude, here we are on our first date and you expect me to kiss you?  With my tongue?”

Ewwe.

So anyway, that’s a whole other story.  Boundaries, that is- The lack there of.  So many men- people rather, in Orange County, have little to no boundaries.

Let us not get distracted. I will discuss this in a future psychotherapy-babble blog.

Moving forward, here’s my point.  This entire time, I was so focused and determined to find Mister Right, that I was missing out.  Missing out on what you ask? Missing out on my beauty.  The beauty of spending time with myself, by myself, just because.  Basically, enjoying my own company, rather than occupying my time with cute, and sometimes annoying men.  Until it dawned on me one morning.  I am never going to find Mr right, if I am so disconnected and distant with myself.

Basically, in order to truly find that special someone, I must engage with myself, actually be with myself.  Appreciating myself, getting to know myself on a deep, passionate & intuitive level.  Then, out of nowhere, the man of my dreams, will just appear; in front of me.  Poof, like Magic.

So, today, I am changing my focus.  I solemnly vow, to myself, that I will bring the loving energy back to me.  I will focus on myself.  My own needs.  My own values and desires.  No longer will I be out every night, flirting with my potential man-friend, or ex-man-friend for that matter.

I will challenge myself.  Giving my full attention to my life, my friends, my career.  I will be a kind, compassionate woman and friend and act from the heart at all times.  Yes, of course, I will balance this out with some social fun, but not on a pathetically nightly basis.

So my focus is shifting.  Falling in love with myself is my new mission.  Say it with me now: